Acinonyx Jubatus
Biro
 Number of posts : 94
Age : 34
Location : North Carolina
Age : 16
Writing forte/s : Science-fiction
Registration date : 2006-08-11
 | | Subject: Love Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:44 pm | |
| I love you
And I hope you love me too
I wish we could be together
Be together forever
My heart is falling
For a certain calling
Saying 'Tell her how you feel'
I think that this can't be real
These feeling I keep
I leave them down so deep
Now it's time for them to arrive
So as I can strive
To be together with you
Because I love you | |
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foaf.scribble
Mod in a tam 'o shanter
 Number of posts : 129
Age : 32
Location : England :]
Age : 14
Registration date : 2006-08-11
| | Subject: Re: Love Sat Aug 12, 2006 1:15 pm | |
| i like how its rhyming couplets
sometimes this can take a lot away from a poem because the author struggles to find apporopriate words to rhyme but you've done it well as none of it sounds off or forced.
instead of "leave them down so deep"
why not "push them down so deep"? it just makes it as though hes tried to ignore it but has now decided that enoughs enough?
x||x | |
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cathastings
Mod in a crown
Number of posts : 34
Age : 32
Location : Behind you!
Age : 14
Writing forte/s : Umm, does that mean what I write? Poety.
Registration date : 2006-08-11
| | Subject: Re: Love Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:58 am | |
| Aww, this is really good! I remember reading i on TW and thinking it was good.  Well done. ;D | |
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fallen_fairy425
Crayon
Number of posts : 12
Age : 34
Location : In the dark, but I can still see you!!!
Age : 16
Writing forte/s : poetry
Registration date : 2006-08-17
| | Subject: Re: Love Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:27 pm | |
| I like it, its very good! | |
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