xXxsilent_screamxXx
Crayon
 Number of posts : 2
Age : 31
Location : Waiting in that dark
Age : 14
Writing forte/s : Poetry
Registration date : 2006-08-17
 | | Subject: The Darkness Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:19 pm | |
| The Darkness
It wraps around me. Holds me tight.
It keeps me in bondage,
knowing my love for the night.
What a beautiful thing, the black of my day
Never knowing what they will do,
or anticipating what they will say.
My yearn for it deepens, but i keep it within.
Watching my footsteps
hiding my sin
Staring into nothing, holding the cold air
Pitch blindness surrounds me
But I know someone is there
The scream of silence wears on my sence
the visions flowing over me
keeping me in past tense
The shine of light comes from the end
I turn from it quickly
Ensuring my life to stop while I descend
Last edited by on Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:20 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
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Silent
Mod in a straw hat
Number of posts : 84
Age : 33
Location : Northern Ireland
Age : 16
Registration date : 2006-08-11
| | Subject: Re: The Darkness Fri Aug 18, 2006 7:39 am | |
| Nice, seems to flow well. One thing i would change is the 'It keeps me bondage'. Try "It keeps me bound"  | |
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xXxsilent_screamxXx
Crayon
Number of posts : 2
Age : 31
Location : Waiting in that dark
Age : 14
Writing forte/s : Poetry
Registration date : 2006-08-17
| | Subject: Re: The Darkness Fri Aug 18, 2006 5:20 pm | |
| ooops thats a typo  let me fix it maybe itll work better thanx for the suggestion also  | |
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| | Subject: Re: The Darkness | |
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