The holy ground from whence I came

I'll be the first poetic genius to put up a poem then... I think the rhythm is a bit off at time. Suggestions?


A hand reaches out to grasp the flower
from whence came the first death and sin,
a smile without fangs, disguising heartbreak,
a lie dripping in sweet, sweet honey.

And so I swear, it is my hand,
that dares to touch the fire.
With a garner, shining bright,
like a dying knight's old armour.

Wearing down, with petals new,
so delicate to touch.
and yet no eyes will cry the blood
of what was slaughtered here.

This holy ground, I class as mine,
with harmonized alleigance,
where soon a rainfall will destroy
the sanity of soldiers.

A hand reaches out to grasp the flower
from whence came the first death and sin,
a smile without fangs, disguising heartbreak,
a lie dripping in sweet, sweet honey.

Hrm.. I think the rthem is off but you said that. But other then that I think it is fine I am just thinking on how to fix it now.

i agree.the flow seems off. mostly only in some places. the first segment seems to not flow as well as the others. but i do like it.

Exilant poem you should be implowd for Shakespere if he was alife.


(From Your sis)

Exilant poem you should be implowd for Shakespere if he was alife.


(From Your sis)

Use the spell check noggin! Write for shakespere??? urgh... hate him... besides, lets make him do his on work, eh nem?

ahaha yeah he was a copycat, a womaniser and a thief. he got other people to write the scripts and then passed them off as his own lol

anywhoo
apart from the rhythm, as so many wonderful people have commented on, i think its a great poem. i like the way the first verse is then repeated at the end, it really makes it stand out and have an effect.

x||x